What a child thinks

I found this on fb.... it shows the abuse by the parent and the thinking it instills in the children.... and how it trickles into your adulthood thinking as well....


Dont Suffer In SilenceA young child does not have the intelligence to decipher and make valid interpretations about possible abusive brainwashing techniques. Children naturally believe their parents’ admonitions and can’t reconcile the fact that their parents are purposely damaging their psyches. So, to maintain a connection to their abusive and/or neglectful parent(s), a child will turn the blame inward. Just like when parents divorce, the child thinks it is his/her fault.

Listed below are the messages used by perpetrators (P) to get their selfish needs met. Following each method is how a child (C) interprets these messages – ones, that if not challenged, will stay with that person for life.[1]

P: You want this to happen. You love it.
C: I wanted it, therefore, I am bad.

P: If you tell, Mother will hate you; Mother will kill herself; I will kill you; I will kill myself.
C: I have the power to destroy my family; their survival depends on me. Telling the secret equals death.

P: If you don’t do this, I will do it to your brother or sister.
C: I have the power to keep my family safe; it is my sole responsibility; I must sacrifice myself.

P: You’re disgusting; you’re dirty; you’re shit.
C: I am bad to the core. This happened because I deserved it. I must never let anyone know me, or they will find out how bad I am. I don’t deserve anything good in my life. I deserve to be punished.

P: Don’t make a sound; don’t let Daddy hear us.
C: It’s dangerous to speak, show feelings, or ask for help.

P: You’re so pretty (handsome), I can’t help myself.
C: I’m seductive and manipulative. I can’t control myself. It’s my fault that he lost control. I deserve to be punished. I must make myself unattractive.

P: Come here and let me love on you. You know I love you.
C: Love hurts. Sex and nurturance are the same.

P: I’m going to teach you to be a man (woman).
C: Being a man (woman) means being hurt or hurting someone else.

P: Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about.
C: What I experienced wasn’t that bad. Showing my pain or fear is dangerous.

P: Shut up! You know I’m not hurting you.
C: I can’t trust my own experience. Someone else must tell me what is real.

P: If you say “No” again, I’ll ask your brother to come in and help me.
C: I have no power. I’m always outnumbered. I don’t have the right to say “No.”

P: We don’t talk about our family with anybody else. It’s none of their business.
C: I have to look happy and be nice. I must never tell. This has never happened to anyone but me. It’s so bad, I can never tell.

P: We take care of each other because no one else will.
C: I cannot trust anyone outside the family.

P: Don’t say those things about your uncle.
C: No one will ever believe me or help me. Maybe I just imagined it.

P: You only have three A’s on your report card; wait for me in your room. You’re going to pay for this.
C: If I’m good, maybe he won’t hurt me. If I’m perfect, no one will see how bad I am inside.The next time someone asks you, “Why didn’t you tell someone?” hand them this list.


*This is not mine, but wanted to share it: original title Don't Suffer in Silence