facing the hurts

It's quiet in the house and the girls are both out with friends.... The other day I heard that April was "Childhood Awareness Month". My Birthday, April Fool's Day! It really is!! So my first thought, Is this some cosmic joke? There's the anger part.... and then the more politically correct answer is, Childhood abuse is no laughing matter as the latter part of the sentence. As I am in therapy and dealing with stuff and actually facing it, it has been hard and painful.... lots of tears and much frustration just touch the surface how all this makes me feel. Then not only the childhood abuse part, but also losing my husband, (not to death) but to the bonds that hold him and his new identity. We all change, and I know that I have fallen, hurt and been hurt, but hopefully in the end, growth and strength. I know it will take time and I have to give myself time to heal, and I will walk this dark valley, and I know that even though I can't see Him, God is VERY real and will not let go of me. It doesn't mean I won't stumble in my humanity and even trip and maybe hit the ground, but in the end, His touch, His hand over my life, He will keep me from going completely under and will keep me from drowning in the painful ocean of hurts that seem to be tossing me all about... Even though the therapy is very emotional and sometimes very hard, I am going to continue. I feel that this is where I need to be and with this (and God) I will be able to heal and not carry the shame of it being mine ever again!