Christmas tree

So I hate Christmas trees and why?!  I'm a kid, my mom tells me when can do a real tree. Yay! so me and my grandma get one, set it up, decorations and all.  apparently, it was not to her liking.  She threw it away- the whole thing.  I got it and dragged it down two doors to my grandma's in tears.  family drama ensued and eventually the tree went back up only if my mom decorated it.  At that point it really didn't matter.....

Thanksgiving ptsd moment

I sat down at the dinner table and the memories of long ago floods black.  I was probably 14,give or take a year ish and my mom didn't want cook out do anything. I did of course like a Normal American kid- so she finally took me to this old hotel diner and we had the worst last of the food. She was a Bitch about it the entire time.  On the way home- it was about 2 miles out of town- there was some car issue-if I remember correctly a tire.  Of course it was my fault. I don't believe that-that's what she said and what she made me feel.  It was awful.... and that's just one pleasant holiday memory.  And so I did some self soothing, even stepped away and cried some of it out away from people.  Holidays are very hard for some people- worse more so for some and the simple act of pulling up to the table can bring your memories bubbling out while we try and hide it. But we also fight it and are not victims of the past- but survivors in the present.  Please show compassion, especially during the holiday season, you never know what a person is going through.  Built some new memories and hope they continue.  Happy Thanksgiving to all who have not always had the happiest of Thanksgivings.  ♥

learning every day......

 Today is another day on the path to healing. Every day is really. I see a little more, forgive a little more, live a little more. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be loved, I deserve good things. Growing up in a dysfunctional home, a lot of times we put other people's need in front of our own. learning to love again.....